


Mindless Self Indulgence

by creepymura



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Biting, Bodyswap, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Sadism, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-11-10 16:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20855039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creepymura/pseuds/creepymura
Summary: [Last Update: Oral Fixation]A collection of loosely connected one-shots based around Kinktober prompts.





	1. Masturbates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinktober day 1: body swap/masturbation
> 
> _masturbation is good, but it is not the best_  
cause nothing beats the touch of your clitoris  
yo, it's so wack, and so round, and so deep

Dib couldn’t remember what had happened before the bright burst of light that somehow knocked the both of them out cold, but he was sure, whatever the reason, that it was probably Zim’s fault.

The last thing he could remember was following Zim back to his base, and the two of them were probably caught up in a typical argument because Zim had sabotaged an experiment at Membrane Labs or had gotten in his way somehow. That or Dib had come up with a new way to expose him as an alien to his peers, though generally, those ideas were pretty hit or miss as of late.

They had gotten to the front door, where Zim had probably glared back at him, through his poorly constructed disguise, and called him any combination of insult that involved the words “dookie”, “turd” or “insolent human meatbag”.

Now, Dib had remembered correctly that he had made a relatively harmless swipe at the alien once he had opened the front door, but had remembered incorrectly that the swipe had caused Zim’s PAK to open up and spit out a piece of non-threatening looking tech that immediately exploded into the previously mentioned bright burst of light once it had hit the ground

Which was exactly how the two of them had gotten into their current predicament.

After a few minutes of unconsciousness, Dib managed to open his eyes with a couple of heavy blinks and a long groan at the sudden wave of pain. He had a splitting headache, probably as a result of the light explosion, and all he wanted to do now was get home and forget the entire day had even happened.

“What did you do...?” He heard a muffled voice through the ringing in his ears, and blinked again. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

When he attempted to sit up though, reaching out to grab for the doorframe in an attempt to support his heavy body, his eyes immediately snapped open and his mind was flooded with thoughts more clearly than he had ever thought before.

Gloved hands.

When he looked down at the rest of his body, he saw a familiar-looking pink tunic, black leggings, and heavy looking, but surprisingly lightweight boots on his feet.

When he looked back at where the voice was coming from, he saw...himself. Staring straight back at him

Though he doubted that he’d ever managed to look that angry before.

“What in the Almighty Tallest’s name did you do to us, human?!”

Even looking at his own body and hearing his own voice from his lips, he could identify Zim in almost an instant. Which meant he could identify Zim when he kept looking down at himself.

“We’ve switched bodies.” Dib said finally, his hands dropping to his sides.

“Oh, this is just great! THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING I NEED!” Zim near screamed out in the open, reaching up to press his fingers into his hair, a sensation that seemed to make him grimace. “I’ve had nightmares about this, you know! Inhabiting your useless, smelly body and being forced to live as a human. But, ohhhh noooo, oh no, this is SO MUCH WORSE!!”

“How did this even happen?!” Dib asked, unable to quell his outrage as he tried to speak over Zim’s frenzied breakdown, picking up the previously exploded device and fiddling with it. He glared up at his pacing rival and held the device out to him accusingly. “Is this yours? Do you just have shit like this lying around in your backpack?!”

“Ehhh…” Zim stilled for a moment, to look thoughtful. “Probably!” He shrugged.

"Why exactly are you carrying this kind of tech with you?!" Dib demanded, frowning at the alien who was now inhabiting his body. “What possible situation could you have for a mind-swapper?!”

“How would I know that it would just explode the moment it touched the ground, Dib?!” Zim replied, sounded just as accusing, as if any of this was Dib’s fault in any way.

“Urghhh, we really need to fix this.” Dib concluded with a short groan, looking down at the mind-swapper with a determined wrinkle to his brow. “Doesn’t this thing have, like, an undo button or something?”

“Oh, of course, your primitive human brain would think that Irken technology could be so easily thwarted.” Zim grinned smugly, placing his hands on his hips as if he was trying to take any kind of triumph from this situation. “It would take days, no, WEEKS for a mere human like you to figure out our genius coding.”

“Then we’re going to be stuck like this for weeks, Zim!” Dib growled with another glare towards his idiotic rival.

“Oh.” Zim replied with a flat tone and an empty look on his face. “Gimme that then.” Zim growled as he snatched the mind-swapper device from Dib’s (Zim’s) hand and idly fiddled with it as he walked into his base, with Dib following close behind.

Dib had to admit, despite the situation and despite his still bubbling anger, it was interesting inhabiting Zim's body. His vision was clear, to the degree of probably being ridiculously advanced and high definition, and the usual aches and pains he had in his human body had been replaced with entirely new feelings, new organs. However strange his new body felt, his always alien-obsessed mind couldn't help but be intrigued by the possibilities this mind-swapper had offered him. He ran a thoughtful hand down on his front, in a small attempt to get a proper feel of what this new body could offer him.

"Ew, don’t touch my body like that!" Zim yelled, clenched fists at his sides. Though even Dib had to admit, the demand didn't have the same power it usually had when he heard it through his own voice. "You are not ALLOWED to touch Zim's superior form in any way! I forbid it!"

"Superior, huh?" Dib said through a smirk. "If you're so superior, how does THIS feel, huh?" He quickly yanked off one of Zim’s gloves, holding it up and wiggling his three borrowed fingers in a way he deemed threatening.

"Stop it, you wretched little thing, do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!" Zim bared his teeth with a furious glare, though Dib was far more interested in assessing the alien's strange biology while he was this close to it than listening to Zim angrily rant at him.

Dib had always been fascinated by Zim's unique anatomy (in a strictly scientific way, of course) but being this up close to it was sort of overwhelming. Here he had the chance to examine every inch of strange, alien skin, every twitch of muscle, every heartbeat (or squeedlyspooch beat?) and actually FEEL the way an Irken body felt, how it felt to live as an Irken invader.

It was actually kind of amazing. He'd yelled at Zim about the whole body swapping affair, of course, but here he had the chance to learn things about REAL alien biology that he never could have on a dissection table.

It was the perfect chance to get some research done, the perfect chance to actually learn something useful about Zim and the rest of his species.

A chance to learn his weaknesses.

“Do you even realize what you’re doing?!” Dib’s attention snapped back to Zim, who was still screaming at him, as he angrily paced around the living room. “If you even REMOTELY damage my body, I swear, you will rue the day you were hatched!!”

“I got it, I got it!” Dib replied, raising his hands defensively, slipping the glove back on to appease his screaming rival. “Keep your voice down or you’ll wake up your entire neighbourhood.”

“My voice? MY VOICE?! Have you lost control of your auditory receptors because I’m clearly not speaking in MY VOICE, HUMAN!” Zim continued to shout, throwing his hands up in outrage. “Because in case you didn’t know, I am now stuck in your inferior human body!” He let out a long, drawn-out groan and threw himself on the couch. “Oh, if The Tallest could see me now! I’d be the laughing stock of all of Irk!”

“Look, calm down, we can fix this.” Dib insisted, raising a hand to rub at his chin thoughtfully (though the lack of stubble did throw him off a bit.) “I mean, it’s Irken tech, right? Surely you would know how to reverse the effect! I bet if we just rewire the machine a little-”

"Ugh." Zim interrupted him since he clearly hadn’t listened to a word Dib had said. Looking down at his hands with a disgusted look on his face (Dib didn’t even know his face could look like that), he swallowed against his urge to retch. "You're even grosser up close, Dib-stink. I have no idea how you can bare being confronted with your own hideousness every day."

“Did you listen to a single word I just said?” Dib asked, speaking down to Zim.

“And when was the last time you bathed exactly?” Zim continued, taking the collar of Dib’s coat and raising it to his nose, to which he didn’t even bother to hide his retch. “I thought the smell was bad when I saw you, but inhabiting your body makes it even worse!”

“I fail to see the relevance of that to our current problem.”

“Wait.” Zim interrupted again, dropping the collar with a look of determination on his face. “If I simply rewire the machine, I’ll probably be able to reverse the effect!”

“Really.” Dib replied, his tone flat and dull.

“Of course.” He continued with a self-satisfied smile. “I am still Zim, after all! A superior brain can operate in any body, even a human one!” He threw a hand to his chest and stood to his feet with a look of self-congratulation on his face. “A genius like me would be able to rewire Irken tech within a matter of mere hours! Excellent idea, me!”

“I really don’t think I can stand being around you for any longer.” Dib crossed his arms as he took up Zim’s space on the couch, glaring at the alien inhabiting his body.

“Well, you’re gonna have to.” Zim replied with an accusatory look in Dib’s direction. “It’s your fault we’re in this mess, and I need the coding in my PAK to hack into the device anyway.”

“So I have no choice?”

“That’s right.”

A moment of silence passed.

“Can we at least get pizza?”

“...Yes.”

-

An hour later and after a somewhat awkward encounter with a teenage pizza delivery guy, the two were sitting on the floor and a myriad wires and cables were running from Dib's borrowed body and into the mind-swapping device, transferring lines of code and data between the two machines. Still gnawing on a pizza crust (Cheese and Nothing But Cheese), Zim tapped incessantly at the device while Dib watched with thinly-veiled interest, only halfway through his second slice (Veggie Delight), frowning a little with every flavour that wasn't exclusively bread and cheese.

"Your tastebuds are ridiculous, you know that" Dib mumbled, his mouth full, as Zim plugged in another wire between the two machines.

"Irkens have a diet of strictly sugars and carbs," Zim replied, picking up a slim screwdriver and unscrewing another side of the metal casing of the mind-swapper. "Dairy is fine in moderation, but anything else is..." He scrunched his nose a little in distaste and shuddered uncomfortably. "Just repulsive."

"Weird." Dib replied, swallowing down his mouthful of pizza and setting the slice back down in the box, since the taste of it was throwing off his appetite. He stretched his body out, a quiet trill slipping from his lips, before pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. “How’s the hacking going?”

“It’s certainly going.” Zim replied with a little huff, reaching up to remove his (Dib’s) glasses and rub his eyes tiredly, doing his best to suppress an obvious yawn.

“Getting sleepy, eh, space boy?” Dib asked with a sly grin, resting his chin in his hand, sounding incredibly pleased with himself (because he really was.)

"How exactly am I supposed to try and reverse the mind-swapper when your puny human body needs SO MUCH SLEEP?" Zim growled angrily, sitting back against the couch and crossing his arms over his chest with a slight sneer. "Your body makes it so difficult to focus on the most menial of tasks.”

"That's just how humans work." Dib replied with a shrug, smirking to himself as he watched Zim attempt to hide just how tired he was. "We need breaks to sleep, eat, breathe. People on Earth can go insane from working too much sometimes.”

"Urgh, no wonder you haven't invaded any planets yet." Zim rolled his eyes with an annoyed looking pout. "Shutting down every night, a dimwitted attention span, gross and meaty bodies. Ugh." He stuck his tongue out in disgust, which made Dib snort out a short laugh. "Somehow your species continues to disgust and disappoint me, even after ten of your earth cycles." Zim grumbled through a long yawn that he finally let out, stretching his (Dib's) lanky arms over his head.

“I guess you have a lot to learn about humans still.” Dib replied with a slight cock to his head.

“Perhaps.” Zim said with a shrug, tilting his head back slightly so it hit the couch cushions. His eyelids looked heavy and each time he blinked, he seemed to look sleepier and sleepier. It was only natural, he supposed, especially when Dib had only gotten a few hours of sleep the evening prior anyway. “I suppose I’ll need all the knowledge I can get when I overthrow your planet…”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Dib said with an almost warm smile, watching as Zim got closer and closer to falling asleep on the floor.

It was another five or so minutes of Zim drifting off, occasionally shaking himself awake with a burst of conversation and a determination to work on the mind-swapper, before eventually drifting off again, until he was finally asleep.  
  
It certainly wasn’t a comfortable looking position to sleep in, since he was still sitting up and his neck looked strained as it fell back against the front of the couch, and Dib would probably feel the poor sleeping position when they finally swapped back into the respected bodies. But it was sort of nice to see Zim finally relax a little, even if it was just because of the hyper-exhaustion Dib put his body through on a near-daily basis.  
  
Dib took a moment to enjoy the peaceful silence of Zim’s base, listening to the peaceful, atmospheric humming that the miles of wire and machinery filled the building with, before he unplugged the myriad of wires between the mind-swapper and Zim’s PAK and stood to his feet with only one thought on his mind.

Because, really, even with the body of an alien, he was still only human.

He couldn't help but be a little bit curious about the body he was inhabiting.

Glancing back at Zim, who was still peacefully snoring on the floor (geez, did he really snore that loudly?), he thoughtfully paced the span of the living room as he gnawed at his gloved finger (since he didn't have fingernails to bite), buried deep in thought. Trying to justify his curiosities, the strange desires and impulses in his mixed-up brain.

He was a scientist, sort of. He was, at least, the son/biological clone of one. He owed it to himself, the world, the rest of his cryptozoological peers, in fact, to explore every inch of Zim's body while he suddenly had the chance to. Who would he be if he passed up such a golden opportunity?

With one final look at Zim, just to make sure he was still sleeping soundly, Dib quietly sneaked around the base to find somewhere more private for his...examination.

After a couple of minutes of searching around the upstairs and downstairs of the base, he found an adequately sized, and seemingly untouched bathroom, with a floor to ceiling length mirror taking up one side of the wall and each surface covered in a thin layer of dust. Dib could only assume that meant it hadn’t been touched in some time.

With the door locked behind him, Dib's bubbling excitement was able to finally spill out through a string of slightly hysterical giggles as he hurriedly stripped himself of all his clothes, yanking off Zim’s gloves with pointed teeth as he toed off his boots.

In a matter of seconds, Dib was completely naked in front of the large mirror. Zim’s clothes were messily strewn across the bathroom floor, disturbing the impeccable dust, though Dib paid no matter to that as he carefully examined the naked body of his rival, feet cold against the tiled floor as he slowly approached the mirror to get a better look.

Zim had always been slim and somewhat petite, despite his slight growth spurt over the last few years, but Dib had never known the true extent of it. But here, Dib could see the slight protrusion of ribs and hip bones against green skin, the dip in his stomach, the somewhat emaciated look. He looked bony and delicate, perhaps even breakable, but the myriad of white scars that peppered his skin was obvious proof of just how much his body could take. Dib couldn’t help but touch some of them, stroke them almost affectionately, and think of similar-looking scars that his own body was littered with.

His green skin was speckled with dark green and white spots, freckles perhaps from rare exposure to the sun. Maybe he was just sensitive to it. His eyes, always slightly too big for his face and a glittering deep magenta hue, now sometimes appeared tired, heavy, ringed with heavy bags. Though he was still as eager and enthusiastic to fight back as he always was, insisting that one day, even after ten years of brawling, he would soon take over the Earth.

At some point during his examination, a smile had crept to Dib’s (Zim’s) face as he thought about just how intense their rivalry had been. How intense it still was, despite everything they had been through. Dib’s life had changed so much, and yet, Zim had always been there.

The most consistent thing he had ever had.

Closer than any friend, any girlfriend or boyfriend, sometimes even closer than his own family.

“Jeez Zim...” He mumbled softly to himself, with a little laugh in spite of himself. “No wonder everyone always thought we were dating.”

There was one last place that Dib needed to examine though. And he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the prospect of it was somewhat exciting.

Exhaling the last of his apprehension, Dib sat down on the tiled floor and scooted closer to the mirror, pressing his feet up against the glass. He bit his lip for a moment, considering his options and just how weird all of this must be, before he squeezed his eyes shut and parted his legs.

It’s another couple of seconds before he built up the courage to open them and get a good look at Zim’s nether regions.  
What he saw was a hairless labia between his legs, or at least something that appeared that way, with skin that shifted into a dark green tinge as it inched closer to his labia minora (or alien equivalent) and a slit that appeared slick with interest.

After a few frozen moments of surprise, Dib ran a finger over his (Zim's) slit, not expecting the rush of pleasure that immediately coursed through his body as a response to his touch, but happy to take full advantage of just how good it felt. The smears of pre-cum left on his fingertips appeared pink and opalescent against his green skin.

Perhaps pushing his luck a little, and out of purely scientific interest, Dib easily slipped two fingers inside of himself, letting out a pleased sigh at the very familiar feeling. When he attempted to get a proper feel of Zim's insides though, they didn't feel much different to his own. Slick, smooth, a cluster of nerves and sweet spots in particular places ready to be exploited and used by a partner.

Did this mean Zim was a girl (if gender had any significance in Irken society)? Or at least the receiving end of his species when it came to breeding?

Dib admittedly knew next to nothing about the breeding practices or sexual conduct of the Irken, and without the knowledge of being able to hack into and interfere with the coding of Zim's PAK, he wasn't going to find anything out unless he thoroughly investigated it for himself. Biting his tongue between his teeth and furrowing his brow, he curiously ran his thumb over the second, smaller hole above Zim's slit that took up the space that a clitoris usually would.

The sensation was pleasant, of course, particularly when combined with his still thrusting fingers, but nowhere near as enjoyable as clit stimulation normally was for him. He frowned a little to himself and kept rubbing the spot, in hopes that something would spark.

What he didn't expect, however, was the opening to grow larger with each incessant touch. Almost to the degree that Dib could probably slip a finger inside the new opening.

“Fascinating..." Dib mumbled to his own reflection breathlessly, a giddy smile creeping onto his face as he attempted to shift his body in front of the mirror and get a better look at what he was playing with.

A lovely deep pink hue was collecting on Zim’s cheeks, and Dib couldn’t help but admire his borrowed body as he continued to pleasure himself. He allowed himself the indulgence of thinking about putting Zim into this state once they had swapped bodies again, squeezing his eyes shut and getting lost in the fantasy.

Dib would easily pin Zim against the wall, using the advantage that his height would give him. He’d admire his rival for a moment, comment on how cute the pink hue to his cheeks made him. He’d promise to properly showcase his superior knowledge about Irken anatomy to the petite alien, promise to use it properly against Zim and make him feel every pleasure that his body would allow.

Zim would protest initially, of course, and probably insist that an Irken elite was far too good to copulate with an inferior species like him but once Dib had a couple of fingers inside him, maybe one in each of his dripping holes, the protests would become moaned demands for more attention, more touches.

Purred simpering between delighted trills of pleasure as his delicate body arched against Dib’s and his hips bucked in time with each thrust from Dib’s fingers.

Dib would then go down onto his knees, pull Zim’s leggings down to his knees, and bury his face into Zim’s crotch. He’d run his tongue over each one of Zim’s holes as he continued to thrust his fingers deep inside him, coating his tongue with the mess of sticky pre-cum and make himself a mess in the process of pleasing Zim. Zim would push his hands into his hair, probably pull on it and make him ache as his hips bucked against his face, and beg for more and more.

In his fantasy, Dib would make Zim cum using just his fingers and his tongue, without the need for toys or anything external. Dib would promise though, as he lapped up pre-cum and soothed Zim’s quivering sex, that he would do more for him. That he’d fuck him the way he deserved soon.

Dib let out a shuddering breath that he didn’t know he was holding, biting down on his lip. He didn’t realize he would get this close to climaxing so quickly.

Maybe it had something to do with the new alien biology.

When he allowed his eyes to open, half-lidded and glazed over with pleasure as he gazed at Zim’s body in the mirror, they instantly snapped open and were pulled down to what rested between his legs.

Zim’s second hole had opened up, to the degree of almost inciting concern, and a tentacle was gradually worming its way out of his body.

“Holy shit,” Dib mumbled to himself, his thrusting fingers stilling just slightly. “Holy shit!”

The squirming tentacle was bright pink in hue, maybe about six or seven inches in length and the thickness of a standard human penis, and dripping with the same viscous pre-cum that Zim's slit had been. When Dib raised a trembling hand to touch it, still operating from a purely scientific basis, the tip wound itself between his fingers and pulsed, messily secreting even more of the sticky pre-cum and coating his fingers with it.

That must have been the reaction Zim's body had to pleasure.

Dib couldn't believe his fucking mind.

"Holy fucking shit." He breathed with a little laugh, eyes wide as he continued to watch the tentacle squirm and pulsate in his hand.

While it did make sense for Irkens to be hermaphroditic, since Zim seemed to see no relevance or general understanding of human gender and sex organs, he hadn't really considered it to be an actual possibility until...well, now, he supposed (though honestly, this just confused him even further about the dynamics of Irken sexuality.)

Zim could not only receive but also penetrate. He could not only be bred but also breed.

He could be submissive, but also dominant.

The very idea of such a fact took Dib's mind to some dark, strange places.

Unsure of quite how to stimulate the tentacle properly, he repeated a motion he’d seen in a plethora of porn videos, grasping it tightly and, using the slick sticky pre-cum that coated his hand, thrust his hips into the tight grasp.

He got lost in a fantasy again, continuing from where the last one had left off, but...different.

Zim would dig his claws into his scalp and yank him away from feverishly devouring his holes with a growled insult. Maybe his pre-cum was laced with a kind of alien aphrodisiac that drove his body wild and made him that much more excited, because Dib would be hungry, starving for more, and he’d beg for it, beg to be allowed to pleasure his rival.

His clit would twinge underneath his jeans and his untouched sex would beg for attention that would never come, but it would feel perfect anyway.

Zim’s tentacle would worm its way out of its sheath, perfectly signifying Zim’s newfound dominance, and because he would pity Dib and his inferior human body that was being driven mad by his own desperation, he would grasp his hair and pull his mouth towards the writhing tentacle. A hand on his chin, keeping his mouth open and his tongue slack, as he pressed the entire length of the tentacle down his waiting throat. Not hesitating when Dib’s gag reflex reacted against the intrusion, just taking pleasure in the newfound tightness and taking advantage of his rival’s hunger.

Pre-cum would lace Dib’s tongue and make his body even hungrier, and he’d take down every inch of Zim’s tentacle, his head bobbing in time with each of Zim’s thrusts. Zim would release the harsh grip in his hair and stroke his scalp, purring about how good he was, how much he was pleasing him, how perfect he would be as his own personal slave.

It was that particular train of thought that made Dib inch closer and closer to climax, his body arching so much that his chest was touching the cold glass mirror. When he was able to open his eyes again, he was taken aback by how...debauched Zim looked when he was this close, and he was desperate to see it again, and again, and again.

Zim’s name was the only thing on his mind, and it was repeated like a mantra that fell from his lips through moans and whimpers, desperate trills and animalistic growls.

When he finally came, it’s a garbled scream of English and Irken that he could barely understand.

A gush of liquid secreted from both Zim’s slit and the twitching tentacle, painting the inside of his thighs and a good section of the bathroom floor as well. Dib was barely able to comprehend anything though, as he let his forehead fall against the mirror, attempting to get his breath back and revelling in the still-burning pleasure that was overtaking his body.

“Fuck...” He mumbled softly to himself, before a wave of shame washed over his mind and he grimaced at Zim’s reflection in the mirror. “Ugh, fuck, why did I do that?”

“Seems like you enjoyed yourself.”

Hearing his own voice instantly made Dib’s body freeze up in shock, as he slowly looked behind himself and towards the now open door to the bathroom...but hadn’t he locked that before?

Zim rested casually in the doorframe, looking slightly dishevelled from sleep, but wide awake and, er...a little scary looking, even if he was inhabiting Dib’s body.

“Z-Zim!” Dib said, quickly shutting his legs and attempting to shakily stand up on his trembling legs. He tried a casual looking smile towards his rival, though it just appeared slightly strained. “Um...w-when did you get here, exactly?”

“Oh, only just,” Zim said casually with a slight shrug. “I needed to convince my computer to open the door for me, after all.” He sneered slightly and took slow steps towards Dib. Dib didn’t realize he could look just that menacing. “Oh, but I saw exactly what I needed to, you filthy, little xenophile.”

“Look, I just got caught up in the examination and I-”

“Ohhh, you needn't explain yourself to me, Dib-thing.” Zim spat his name in a particularly harsh, venomous way, taking a final step towards Dib, looming over his suddenly small frame, so his back had to hit the mirror. “You were taking advantage of my body, for your own sick, nefarious purposes.”

“No, I wasn’t-!” Dib didn’t get that much of a chance to properly explain himself before Zim quickly covered his mouth with his palm. His grip on his jaw was firm, and the look in his eyes was dangerous and...devious.

“But not to worry.” Zim smirked slightly, eyes narrowing as he brought their faces closer together. “I plan on taking advantage of your body too...full advantage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lord help me i am BACK on my bullshit
> 
> i'm doing kinktober but doing a prompt every other day cus i have a job and a life. i'm naming each chapter after a mindless self indulgence song because cringe culture is dead and i'm XD'ing on its grave. also i shouldn't need to say that dib is OBVIOUSLY an adult here, but i do so he is, don't even try and @ me. edit: also dib trans, cus i run this shit show. 
> 
> like/comment/bookmark, all the good stuff cus it gives me a reason to live!  
filthylittlexenophile.tumblr.com  
ray x


	2. Bring the Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinktober day 2: biting/sadism
> 
> _when you give it to me, yeah,_  
give it to me raw, I burn  
give it to me raw, I burn

_“But not to worry.” Zim smirked slightly, eyes narrowing as he brought their faces closer together. “I plan on taking advantage of your body too...full advantage.”_

_-_

Dib swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat, shivering slightly underneath his looming rival (who was suddenly using his new height to its full potential.) Pre-cum was still dripping down his leg and the glass mirror was cold against his back. His body should have been freezing, trembling from the cold, but all he could feel was the intense warmth in his cheeks and his chest, the twinge of arousal in his nether regions, the burning shame washing over him for having been caught.

And the fact that it had felt so good wasn’t helping the situation either.

Zim gave him a strange sort of look, a questioning glimmer in his eye as he stared Dib’s (his own) flushed body up and down curiously, one brow arched. His lip curled over his teeth with a slight sneer when he eyed the puddle of dripping cum running down Dib’s leg, and he slowly removed the hand from his rival’s lips.

“You are absolutely depraved.” He said through the sneer, bringing their faces close, a hand reaching up to grab Dib’s chin and forcing their eyes to meet. “You had a moment alone with my body and all you could think about was acting on your own disgusting human impulses.” The sneer faded into a smirk as he inched closer towards him though, his gaze narrowing. “Oh, if the rest of your species are as weak-willed as you are, you’ll be so easy to invade, Dib.”

Zim brought their lips together in a crushing kiss, his tongue immediately pressing between the subtle part in Dib’s lips, tongue piercing clacking against their teeth and making them both flinch.

Despite how strange of a sensation it was, Dib couldn’t help but moan into it, clinging onto the looming body over him and submitting to the perfect feeling of being so easily intimidated and, dare he say it, dominated.

Dib only pulled away from the kiss with a desperate gasp, breaking a thick string of saliva between the two of them, when Zim pressed two fingers against his soaking slit, kneading it into submission and taking advantage of just how easy it was to slip them both inside of him when he had worked himself into such a state.

“Wet...dripping wet.” Zim started, licking his lips hungrily. "By Irk, human, you are absolutely disgusting." He let out a soft growl of pleasure against his skin as he let his head dip down against Dib’s neck, and when he spoke in that particular tone, even insults started to sound almost compliments...or at least a certain kind of compliment. “My body only reacts like that when it wants to be bred, you know. Is that what you want too?”

“S-So you can be bred then...” Dib asked, between trembling groans, reaching up to press his fingers into Zim’s (his own) hair as his rival left bruising love bites against his neck. Ignoring the question, naturally.

“Of course you’d want you know that, you freak.” Zim teased, pinching green skin between his teeth.

“Just thought I’d find out first.” Dib attempted to shrug, though it proved difficult to feign nonchalance when he was this worked up. “Can you?”

“If you really must know, my generation of Irkens are almost entirely sterile.” Zim started, his tone of voice almost clinical as he continued to knead his fingers against Dib’s slit. “But that doesn’t stop our bodies from responding in the ways that nature intended.”

“I-Interesting.” Dib replied, before letting out a weak squeal as a response to a particularly harsh bite along his collar bone. Though from the way Zim was looking at it, the hard lines of annoyance on his face, he wasn’t entirely satisfied with the lack of damage his attention was leaving.

"Stupid human biology. Flat teeth, blunt claws..." Zim mused, holding a hand in front of his face and inspecting his painted nails, a look of distaste and boredom in his stare. "There really is nothing remotely threatening about you, Dib-stink. It’s funny that you genuinely think you're the superior species when your body is so feeble. When it’s so..." He started with a slight cock to his head and a teasing smile. “Unremarkable.”

Dib was mostly silent during his onslaught of attention, save the occasional gasp or whimper whenever Zim continued the incessant teasing over his dripping slit. Stroking over each of the gasping, twinging holes between his legs, pinching at the tentacle that was still squirming for attention, occasionally threatening to slide his fingers inside but never quite managing it. A different kind of torture, but torture never-the-less.

At this rate, he was so wet that pre-cum was probably drooling a puddle down his thighs, drip-dripping onto the tiled floor and filling the uncomfortable silence.

A mess to be cleaned up later.

“A pity.” Zim continued with a shrug. “I finally have you right where I've wanted you for so many cycles and I don’t even get the chance to enjoy your pain.” He brought their faces close together, his lips spreading into a teasing grin as he slid a finger inside one of Dib’s twitching holes. “I don’t get to hurt you in the ways I really want to.”

Maybe the thinly veiled threat should have been a little scary coming from his rival, but Dib was too far gone to even consider fear into the equation. All he felt was arousal so heavy that he was struggling to feel anything else. His insides ached with pleasure, and the tentacle continued to worm out of the second slit inch by inch, getting more and more interested in the activity outside of the body.

Dib was suddenly filled with a compulsion to kiss him again, burying his grasping fingers into the collar of his own coat and yanking the smug alien against his shaking body until their lips met, not giving either of them the chance to breathe in between. Zim barely took a moment of apprehension before he was kissing back aggressively, a frantic mix of probing tongues and biting teeth.

He reached down to grope at the front of Zim’s crotch, attempting to knead at him through his jeans, since he knew his own body well enough to know how quickly it would be reacting to all of this action in such a short space of time (and when it was so appropriately themed too). When Zim stilled slightly against him, his hips slowly moving in time with each of his drawn-out strokes, Dib knew he’d gotten him just as interested as he was.

“You think you’re the only one with an advantage here, space boy?” Dib asked in between the frenzied kisses, sliding his fingers underneath the loose waistband of the jeans, and pressing against an already erect, aching clit (since he already knew his body was going commando today.) "I know my body just like you know yours. Who's to say I'm not superior in this situation, hm?"

“So what’s stopping you, exactly?” Zim growled back, baring his teeth threateningly as he desperately ground his hips down against Dib’s incessant touch. His clit was hard to the degree of being painful, Dib knew the feeling well, and his slit was already wet with growing interest.

“Maybe I want those things you’re promising.” Dib offered with a slight smile in spite of himself, allowing their bodies to tangle further. “Dunno. Wanna see if you’re all talk, or if you’d actually hurt me as much as you're promising to.”

“You think I’m bluffing?” Zim asked with an accusatory glare at the human who was inhabiting his body, eyes narrowed with a challenging intent, as well as deep and numbing arousal.

“Take your jeans off and I’ll find out.” Dib shrugged.

Zim was silent for maybe a second or two before he eventually detangled himself from Dib’s body and hurriedly unbuckled the thick, studded metal belt around his waist, following it with unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

"You don't have a breeding spike." Zim said matter-of-factly with an annoyed look towards his rival, once his jeans were halfway down his thighs. As if his mixed up biology was somehow his fault.

"Nope." Dib grimaced back at him with a slight eye roll, as Zim continued to shimmy his (Dib's) skinny jeans down his legs, with no shame about exposing himself, it seemed. "Still working on that part, as you can tell."

Zim simply shrugged as he flung the jeans to one side with a heavy clatter, before he planted both hands against Dib's chest and forced him down against the tiled floor as he straddled his hips, skinny thighs parting. A curious, but plotting look flashed in his eyes, and his lips parted in a dangerous smirk. An expression which was so unique to Zim that Dib could instantly recognize it, even when it was on his own face.

"Then I suppose you'll just have to be the breeder, hm?" He offered, his voice dipping into a seductive purr as he pressed their crotches together with a slow and elaborate thrust of his hips, and the suggestion instantly made Dib's borrowed insides twist and burn with arousal.

Dib’s mouth went dry for a moment, and he struggled to swallow past it as he blinked wide, magenta eyes at the body straddling his.

This was definitely the strangest sexual encounter he’d ever had in his life, at the very least tied for the first, but fuck, if it was it turning him on. He’d never seen his body presented in this way, debauched, desperate, and undeniably dirty. Maybe he finally understood why he’d had people interested in documenting their sexual encounters in the past, if he really looked this good.

He was absolutely going to find a copy of this on Zim’s computer and save it on his own at some point though.

“What are you waiting for then?” Zim said, breaking Dib’s train of thought, with a short huff of impatience and a challenging look in his eye, reaching down to pull his shirt off over his head, finally allowing himself to be as just as naked as Dib was. “Do it.”

“Breed me.”

Dib didn’t need to be told twice.

He dug his claws into Zim’s skinny hip and, with his free hand, manoeuvred the twitching, dripping tentacle in line with Zim’s cunt. With a quick, methodical jut of his hips and an authoritative urge of Zim’s body closer to his own, he pressed himself deep within the tight heat of his cunt.

The two of them gasped in unison, one from the rush of pleasure at being encased in the tight heat of his rival, the other from the aching stretch of being filled up so deeply and so quickly, arching against each other, their bodies tangling and relishing in the overwhelming pleasure of each other.

Zim, looking flushed and exceptionally sweaty, mumbled something indecipherable in Irken, wrapping his trembling arms around Dib’s neck and pressing his face into his shoulder as he desperately bounced on the tentacle, eager to feel it deeper and deeper but determined to not let his embarrassment show. Foreign words were intercepted by high pitched whimpers and moans for more, please, keep going, and he dug his bitten nails into Dib’s back, dragging them down his skin as if he were attempted to leave a mark or make him bleed, though really, it was just even more arousing.

“Fuck, that’s good...” Dib managed to grunt out as he bucked his hips without any kind of cohesive timing, dragging his own claws up Zim’s back. And even though the claws were cut and filed, they still left a significant red mark against his pale, sweaty skin. “You’re so good, Zim, fuck, so good.”

“O-Of course I’m good...I’m your superior, aren’t I?” Zim managed to mumble between squeaks of pleasure and pain, his face still firmly pressed into Dib’s shoulder.

Dib let out an (already) exhausted laugh at his rival’s capability to turn anything into a chance to brag as he continued to eagerly fuck into the tight, wet heat of his cunt. Zim pressed his hips back hard against Dib’s, taking to riding the tentacle like it was a profession (though maybe that said more about Dib’s body than anything else.)

“Hurt me.” Zim growled hungrily, managing to pull away from Dib’s shoulder with a glazed over look of unadulterated pleasure in his eyes, dragging his hands down his front again. “Cover me in your bites, your bruises...please…”

Dib was happy to indulge the request, burying his face in Zim’s neck and using his new, sharp teeth to leave a plethora of harsh looking, nearly bleeding bites up and down his neck and freckled shoulders. Zim tipped his head back with an elated groan of pure pleasure, his voice loud as it ricocheted and echoed around the small bathroom, which naturally only encouraged Dib to push him further. Sucking bloody bruises between the bleeding bites, digging his claws into his skin and dragging them down his sides, to his hips, up his trembling thighs.

Zim shuddered against every brutal touch, pressing his hips down against Dib’s, encouraging him to push in and out of him faster, barely giving him any room to breathe, any room to prepare himself.

“Rock your hips back...” Dib whispered against Zim’s neck, running his tongue over a particularly harsh looking bite, hands descending down to roughly grope his ass and hips as he attempted to press the tentacle deeper inside of him. “Move with me, it’ll feel better...”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Zim spat with an irritable tone, though it wasn’t a moment before he did as Dib had suggested, rocking his hips in time with each of Dib’s thrusts, each one punctuated by a whimper, a whine, a desperate moan from each of their trembling bodies, both begging the other for more.

Dib gripped Zim’s hips roughly again, digging his claws in and dragging harsh, near bloody lines up his thighs, pressing himself deeper inside of his rival’s body and filling him with a few final rough thrusts that Zim attempted to move in time with, though to little success. His body must have finally caught up to his mind, and there was little more he could do than groan with each thrust, letting his body be rocked in whatever way Dib needed in order for the human to take his own pleasure.

Even the concept of Zim taking Dib so easily, without any word of complaint, was hot enough to push him even closer to the edge.

Though Zim always had to beat him at something.

Zim’s body stiffened above him, eyes clenched tight and his cunt clenched even tighter, whimpering into the already healing bite marks on Dib’s shoulder as he came around the tentacle. A warm gush of liquid pooling down his thighs, collecting underneath their bodies. The image was unbearably hot, and Dib was certain that he was going to jerk off to this very memory for the rest of his life.

“That’s it, that’s it...” Dib encouraged, his voice soft and almost gentle, running a hand down the quivering alien’s back, attempting to soothe the vicious scratches that marred his skin. “You’re so good, Zim, you did so good." He brought his mouth close to Zim's pierced ear, moaning breathily as he continued to whimper "I’m nearly there, nearly there, you've made me feel so good.”

“Breed me.” Zim said, so softly, that it was almost inaudible, and so urgently that Dib couldn’t help the elated grin of excitement that came to his face from hearing such a plea from his enemy.

Though he didn’t get the chance to gloat about it before he was thrusting up into Zim and spilling over inside of him. Fulfilling his request and claiming him every inch of him for his own.

Though if one were to properly examine this situation, it might read as Dib being entirely complacent in his body being owned by an Irken invader, inside and outside. Dib wasn't sure which examination was correct and which was wrong at this stage in his arousal though.

The two of them were still for a while, brains still trying to register what had just happened and attempting to catch their breath back. Regain even an ounce of energy and one cognitive thought that they’d had before this whole thing started.

“Ew.” Zim was the first one, naturally, as he glanced down at himself with a slight grimace before detangling himself from Dib’s body and moving to pace around the bathroom without even the slightest tremble in his legs. “I didn’t know it was possible for you to get grosser, Dib-thing, but somehow, you managed it.”

“Gee, thanks.” Dib said sarcastically with a frown. Crossing his arms as he pressed himself back against the mirror, since his body didn't seem to want to recover nearly as quickly. “And I’m guessing you did all of that on purpose, didn’t you...? So I'd be in pain and remember all of this when you were done with me, right?” He continued, staring at his own bloody, bruised body with a glare.

“Well, of course,” Zim replied with a smug, self-congratulatory grin, crossing his arms across his naked chest. “The moment you inhabit your hideous body again, you’ll have to feel all the pain you inflicted on YOURSELF! And you did it WILLINGLY!” His characteristic, villainous cackle sounded strange through Dib’s voice, but still weirdly appropriate. “Because of the GENIUS of I, ZIM!”

“Wow.” Dib said with a flat tone. “And here I thought you were doing it for sexy reasons.”

“Only humans are THAT simple-minded.” Zim sneered, before reaching to pick up the previously abandoned clothes. “Though that does remind me, we do really need to get that mind-swapper working again.”

“And we’re really not going to even mention any of that again then?” Dib continued to push as he followed Zim’s lead, collecting his abandoned clothes and struggling to pull them on while his body was still trembling. “Like...not even a conversation or-”

“Zim has no time for petty human nonsense.” Zim dismissed with a wave of his hand as he tugged on Dib’s t-shirt with a shake of his head. “What’s done is done, a breeding ritual between rivals, so to speak.”

“Pretty intricate ritual if you ask me.” Dib rolled his eyes as he tugged on Zim’s leggings.

“If you’d like to mope about the lack of post-coital cuddling in the arms of your enemy and invader, stink boy, then be my guest,” Zim started, tugging on his skinny jeans and zipping the front up. “But please, feel free to join me when you’d like to free me from the FLESHY PRISON you call your BODY.”

And with that, the affair was over. Zim left Dib to get changed-slash-mope around in the bathroom as he went back down the stairs and to the living room of his base, tugging on his borrowed jacket and running a hand through his hair, professional and cold like a businessman after a tryst in a local restroom.

And really, Dib probably should have followed behind instead of sulking for longer than he wanted to admit.

No sense in getting attached to an alien invader, he supposed.

-

"Your planet's tech is impossibly moronic, you know that?"

"Normally, I'd kill you for such a statement, but right now, Zim's inclined to agree with the Dib. This is getting ridiculous." 

The two of them must have been working on the mind-swapper for the better portion of the day, with little time to have a break, eat, sleep, or breathe, lest they miss something important that would rectify all of their problems that they had somehow missed before.. 

How was it that this stupid little machine was confounding them so? Dib was the son of a genius scientist, with at least a bit of genius within his own genetic coding. Zim was a master in resourceful-ness, and he had his PAK there to decode every line of technological script that programmed the mind-swapper. How was it so impossible for them to find something even remotely useful between the two of them? 

"Oh, this is hopeless!" Zim wailed, throwing himself against the sofa and holding the little machine to his chest like a grieving mother. "I'm going to be stuck in this dumb body forever, and it's all YOUR FAULT!" 

"MY FAULT?!" Dib asked loudly, raising a finger to himself before pointing it accusingly at Zim. "If you hadn't been carrying it, this wouldn't have even happened!" 

"I'm gonna get disowned by my armadaaaaa!" Zim continued to wail, a hand reaching up to clutch his face as he bit at his lip. "The Almighty Tallest will demand us EXECUTED for what we've done, human! Or worse..." He chawed Dib's thumbnail worriedly as his eyes went wide. "Reencoded. Can you even comprehend that?!" 

Give me the swapper, you idiot." Dib protested, kneeling up on the sofa and making a grab for the intricate little machine in Zim's hands that was in his lap. "I bet if I have another look at it-" 

"NO!" Zim yelled back, holding the mind-swapper out of his reach, once again using his newfound tall-ness to its full advantage. "If you touch it, you'll find some way to make it even WORSE!"

"That's not even possible at this point!" Dib gritted his teeth as he continued to struggle to reach for the mind-swapper.

The two of them were then interrupted when they caught a glimpse of an idiotic little robot in a green dog onesie in front of them, watching as their bodies continued to tangle into further provocative positions. 

"So nice to see you boys getting aloooooong!~" Gir sang happily with a dumb smile, clapping their paws together as they watched the two semi-brawl over a piece of Irken machinery like a mother watching a pair of toddlers fight over a toy. 

“Gir, now is not the time.” Zim said calmly, taking the mind-swapper and resting it back in his lap (though he did nothing to detangle himself from Dib. “We’re working on something important here and-” 

“Oooh, oh! I know!” The little robot insisted, waving their hand like a kid waving for attention at school. “Whassis button do?" Gir squeaked happily, flopping down on the sofa between the two of them and gesturing their paw at a big red button on the side of the device. 

"We've already TRIED all the buttons, Gir!" Zim said with a short sigh that almost sounded parental, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Run along now. Your assistance is unnecessary." 

"Did youuuuu really press it though?" Gir insisted, rolling onto their back. "Come ooooon, Mary, push da button!" They repeated themselves over and over again, rolling off of the sofa and continuing to roll around the floor, taking up a vast amount of space in the living room and making a mess of the wires and pizza boxes. “Pleeeeease!” They sulked. “Please, please, please, pleeeease!!” 

“If we push the button, will you stop and go away?” Dib nearly snapped with a harsh look towards the idiot robot that even made Zim do a double-take. 

In an instant, Gir was back on their feet and eagerly nodding their head, their plush ears bobbing in motion. With a shrug, Dib took the mind-swapper and pressed the button that Gir was pointing at. 

And the second it was pressed down, it exploded into a burst of white light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a little late! work always kicks my butt and i wanted to write this during my breaks but i couldn't face making eye contact with my coworkers while i wrote porn in our break room.
> 
> holy heck guys we're almost at 1k hits already and we're only on chapter 1! thank you so much for all the kind words and support, it really means so so much to me <3
> 
> like/comment/bookmark, all the good stuff!  
filthylittlexenophile.tumblr.com  
ray x


	3. Ala Mode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinktober day 3: oral fixation 
> 
> _you can't find love? ice cream will fix it_  
you're a failure? ice cream will fix it  
everyone hates you? ice cream will fix it  
everyone hates you!!  
(i want sprinkles on that shit) 

Once the two rivals were (finally) back in their respective bodies, Zim didn’t even say a word to Dib before he was hurriedly shoving him out of his base and slamming the heavy door in his face before he had the chance to even say goodbye. 

Dib stood in Zim’s front yard for a moment, taking a second to get readjusted to the feeling of his own body again (had he really always been THIS tall?) But also to just wrap his brain around everything that had happened over the course of the previous day/night and attempt to come to terms with it. 

It certainly wasn’t how he anticipated his first sexual encounter with Zim going. 

Though it was oddly fitting for both of them, he had to admit that.

Dib lifted a hand up to his tired, heavy eyes and squinted at the rising sun over the pink suburban skyline. Birds chirped happily in the trees, filling the silence with an obnoxiously cheerful morning song, and the surrounding houses continued to sleep the morning away peacefully, unaware of the sci-fi worthy hijinks which had happened within their own neighbourhood. 

When he reached into his coat pocket to pull out his phone, his shattered screen displayed 5:41 am. As well as a couple of missed messages from his sister that he would probably pay for when he got home. 

“We stayed up all night,” Dib mumbled to himself groggily, putting his phone away and reaching up to remove his glasses and rub his weary eyes. “Sure hope Dad doesn’t need me at work today.” 

With a huff and an irritated glare thrown over his shoulder at the closed base door (perhaps with vain hopes that Zim would change his mind and actually want to talk to him after all), Dib reached back into his coat for a pair of tangled earbuds, plugged them in, and started the long walk back to his own house. 

-

It took Dib an hour to walk home, and if he hasn’t been exhausted (and pissed off and annoyed and frustrated...and vaguely horny) before, he certainly was now. 

And also, ravenously hungry. 

He and Zim must have forgotten to feed themselves during the entire night after the pizza delivery and their...exhausting activities had worked up some kind of appetite. 

He yanked his earbuds out (though the mind-numbing heavy metal continued to play through the plastic buds) and fumbled in his pockets for his house keys, praying that he hadn’t forgotten them in the hurry to leave the house yesterday morning. 

When he finally found them, buried underneath a crumpled receipt for a gas station slushie and a half-empty carton of cigarettes that he had ploughed through during his walk home, he shoved the key into the lock and opened the door. Crossing through the living room and into the kitchen, Dib quickly figured that his father must have already set out for work without him (and honestly, thank god for that, because he really didn’t have the energy to put up with his kind of beaming positivity this early in the morning). 

Gaz was (surprisingly) sitting at the kitchen table, a heavy pair of headphones on her head, a bowl heaving with sugary cereal in front of her, and a games console in her lap that she was tapping away at. Dib questioned for a moment why his sister was up so early, but then came to the logical conclusion that she, like him, had stayed up all night. 

When Dib entered her peripheral vision, she took a moment to look away from her game and give him a curious glare as he searched through the cupboards for something edible that was ideally full of sugar and chemicals, though he could only assume that she’d had the last of the cereal. She was silent as he gave up on his hunt and opened the fridge, taking out a soda, and sat down opposite her. 

Wordlessly, he cracked it open and took a long drink from it. 

"Did you stay at Zim's last night?" She asked, reaching up to tug one side of her headphones off with a slight cock to her head. 

"I don't wanna talk about it." He mumbled with an intense frown, wiping his mouth with his coat sleeve. 

"Whatever." She replied with a shrug, putting her headphone back in place. “Dad already left for the lab by the way. I told him you were sick.” 

“Thanks.” He said, taking another long sip. She shrugged again and turned back to her game. 

The two Membrane siblings continued to sit together in silence, the only sound between them being the muffled audio from Gaz's headphones and the occasional scrape of her spoon on the porcelain bowl when she ate. 

Dib finished his soda and left the kitchen to drag his exhausted body up the stairs to his room, where he planned to either brood, jerk off, sleep, or a horrific combination of all three. 

But he really hadn’t anticipated just how tired he was going to be until his head hit the pillow.

-

Dib managed to sleep most of the day away, uninterrupted by fretting family members, alien invaders or robot servants. 

When he finally woke up, still in his sweaty, smelly clothes from the night before (though this was hardly rare for him), the sun was beginning to set in the deep red sky. His alarm clock flashed “18:03” at him and the glowing monitors on his desk filled his room with a peaceful hum, undisturbed by activity or interest. 

The Swollen Eyeball Network was really beginning to get quiet as of late. He rarely got any messages or updates from its other members recently or even just a vague sign that they still existed. Maybe the group had quietly disbanded and just forgotten to tell him.

For whatever reason, that idea just made him all the more pissed off at Zim.

So now was probably the right time to get out of bed and do something, so that the day wasn’t totally wasted. 

Had Dib been a remotely stable person, he might have decided to NOT wear the same clothes he had been wearing for the last two days, or, at the very least, shower before he wore them again for the third day. 

But he was pretty far from stable at this point, so he got up from bed, pushed his greasy hair from his eyes and into a presentable looking state (though his cowlick was getting annoyingly long and...father-like), and picked up his coat from the floor, throwing it on as he walked down the stairs and into the living room. 

Gaz had moved from the kitchen to the living room and had swapped from her handheld console to the one plugged into the TV. She sat in a chaotic mess of candy wrappers, soda cans and blankets, and a heavy-duty, professional-looking gaming headset sat on her head, though she didn’t say a word into the mic. She just glared at the television with a determined look in her squinting eyes. 

“Has Dad come home yet?” Dib asked, adjusting the collar of his coat as he watched her play. It wasn’t a game he recognised, though he admittedly didn’t know much about video games anyway. “I’m really not in the mood to explain why I missed work.”

“He called me when you were asleep and said he’d be late back tonight.” She replied casually, not looking away from the screen. “Why, you gonna spend the night at Zim’s place again?” 

“Ugh, don’t say that name in front of me.” He groaned at the memory of the previous night, throwing himself into the free seat on the couch in a deliberate sulk. “From now on, this house is a Zim-free zone.”

“What? I’m just asking a question,” Her eye roll was audible as she leaned forward in her couch seat, tapping furiously at her controller. “Why, you guys have a falling out or something? What keeps you so busy that you can’t send me a text just so I can tell Dad you’re not dead?”

“We just...got caught up in his weird alien invader tech stuff,” Dib grumbled with a pout, crossing his arms across his chest and sinking into the sofa some more. “You wouldn’t get it.” 

“Is that your code word for getting distracted by having gross sex with your boyfriend?” Gaz glanced over at him, one pierced eyebrow raised. “Cus really, man, I don’t wanna know.”

“WHAT?” Dib immediately sat up to full attention, his face flushing bright red and his expression outraged and embarrassed. “W-We didn’t have sex! Why would you even say something like that?! And he’s not my boyfriend either!!” 

“Uh...” Her gaze shifted from the purpling love bites on Dib’s neck down to the intense, red scratches that filled the gap of skin between his shirt and his jeans. “Huh. Sure thing, Dib.” 

“A-And even if we did...” Dib stuttered, yanking the collar of his coat up in an attempt to hide his love bites...that he had given HIMSELF. God, when Zim was good, he was good. “It would have been a one-time thing anyway. Not a...lovey-dovey thing with feelings and...junk. Cuz he’s not my boyfriend. At all.” He frowned to himself again, trying to fight off the flush on his cheeks. “Just... an intricate ritual between rivalling species. That’s all.” 

"Are you serious? Like, am I hearing you correctly?" Gaz said, finally pausing her game and looking away from the television screen and glaring at Dib like she couldn't believe what he was saying. "Come on, Dib, I know you're an idiot, but you can't be stupid, can you?"

"What do you mean?" Dib asked, his brow furrowing. 

"’A one-time thing?’ And you’re OKAY with that? That’s what you’re telling yourself?”

“Yeah…” He paused and frowned again. “Why?”

You obviously like him, you moron." Gaz continued with a roll of her eyes. "You've liked him since hi-skool, and the fact that you guys had sex and he isn't interested in you like that is bumming you out and that’s why you’re being all pouty and emo on me.” She unpaused her game and turned back to it. “Not that hard to understand."

"...How do you know that?" Dib said, trying to ignore the consistent flush to his face. "The...liking him part, I mean."

"I mean it's pretty obvious. You always either wanted to dissect him or make out with him." She shifted forward a little as a timer started to play on the game, and gave Dib a dark-humoured look. "Sometimes both."

“Well...” Dib continued, attempting to put a gory (and worryingly arousing) mental image out of his head, fiddling with his fingers anxiously as he wound himself up in his lovesick thoughts even more. “What should I do then? I mean, should I tell him how I feel or just, like, go along with whatever, or wait it out or...what?” 

“I dunno.” Gaz shrugged casually, her pierced tongue between her teeth as she concentrated on the game during the final moments of play. “Ask Dad or something. Lesbians aren’t as needlessly complicated around romance as the rest of you.” 

“Fuck youuu.” Dib drawled, burying his face in his hands and letting out a long groan as he pressed himself into the corner of the couch. “You don’t need to always show off how much better you are than me all the time.”

“Who else would put you in your place?” Gaz snickered softly to herself, grinning when the television screen displayed a ‘Victory!’ overlay. “Your boyfriend certainly isn’t going to.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Gaz.” 

“So you guys are doing ‘friends with benefits’ thing then?” 

“We’re not friends either.” Dib reminded with an eye roll. “We’re rivals. Enemies. I’m his nemesis.” He curled his gangly legs up to his chest and rested his chin on them, pouting miserably. “Which means I really shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

This whole situation between him and Zim was absolutely hopeless and he knew it was hopeless. 

In fact, the more he thought about it, the more hopeless it became. He just wanted to put the concept of it out of his head, go back to thinking of Zim as his rival, an alien invader who was a threat to the planet and everyone on it. But the more he tried to do that, the more he just kept thinking about...what if. What if he and Zim put aside their rivalry and pursued something...different. Something intimate and perhaps even romantic. But how could they, when they had only thought of each other as enemies for the last ten years?

This whole situation just sucked. 

An eventual knock to the door was the only thing that jolted him out of his depressive spiral. 

“Ugh, who’s that gonna be this late?” Gaz mumbled to herself, getting out of her nest of candy wrappers and blankets and stretching out her body, failing to recognise it was only seven in the evening. “I don’t think we’ve had someone at our door since 2006 or something.” She let out a short grunt of irritation before padding over to the door, and standing on her tiptoes to peer through the viewfinder. 

“Oh shit. Dib, it’s your boyfriend.” 

“ZIM?!” Dib quickly hurried over to where Gaz was standing, leaning over slightly to the appropriate height so he could see who was standing outside through the viewfinder. 

Low and behold, his rival, his enemy, his nemesis, Zim was standing on his doorstep, wearing his tacky (though somewhat aesthetically improved disguise since the basics in middle-skool), bundled in a black hooded jacket that looked about two sizes too big for him. 

It was almost cute. 

Almost.

“What’s he doing here?!” Dib harshly whispered with a panicked look towards Gaz, as if he was worried that Zim could hear them talking through the door. “He usually just sneaks in if he’s that desperate...maybe he’s planning something and waiting for me to let my guard down…” He narrowed his eyes. “Trying to see how gullible I am, huh? Smart, Zim, real smart...” 

A particularly feral part of him was screaming to get his old alien-hunting gear from upstairs and pounce on Zim while he was vulnerable. It was probably a bad thing that he didn’t immediately suppress that thought either. 

“God, you are so stupid sometimes.” Gaz deadpanned with an annoyed glare, giving him a little shove away from the viewfinder so she could look through again. “He’s obviously here to talk about last night! Go out and talk to him before he leaves, man, or else you’ll totally blow your shot.”

“B-But...what do I even say?” Dib stammered, though he was unlatching the door as he spoke. 

“Make something up!” She exclaimed with a wild waving of her arms. “Just don’t threaten him with the FBI again!”

Dib was quick to open the door, and quicker to step out onto the doorstep and shut it behind him to muffle out Gaz’s shouting before he said even a word said to Zim first. He could only hope that Zim didn’t catch the end of what Gaz was saying.

“...Hey.” He attempted to sound cool and relaxed, leaning back against his door with his hands in his pockets, eyes appearing heavy and...seductive? Was that the look? He was very new to this whole flirting thing. 

“What is your girl relative shouting about in there?” Zim asked with a slight frown. 

“She’s, uh, probably just playing one of her games or something,” Dib replied with a slightly self-conscious laugh, reaching back to scratch at his head. Just be calm. Relaxed. “So uh...what’re you doing here?”

“Oh!” Zim appeared caught off guard, and his body immediately stiffened. “Well, I was just in the, how you say, neighbourhood. Maniacally plotting, mapping out your city’s weak spots, typical INVADER fare, of course!” Zim rambled with the occasional chuckle, idly fiddling with his fingers. “And I thought I’d just...DROP IN on my dearly detested nemesis and…” Zim paused for a moment, his brain seemingly caught up in his own thoughts. “And...ehhh...see how you were doing! That’s all!” He finished with an almost too innocent looking grin.

“Right,” Dib replied with a nod. “And this has nothing to do with last night at all, does it?”

“What?! OF COURSE NOT!” Zim barked back with an irritated look. “I was merely checking to see if you were still ALIVE or not, just so I know when to call in the rest of my fleet.” He folded his arms across his chest with a slight scoff. “That’s all.!

“Uh-huh.” Dib smirked, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. It was actually sort of easy to be relaxed around Zim, particularly when the alien was such a bad liar. “Well, I’m alive. I’ll be seeing ya.”

When Dib turned to go back into the house, Zim let out a noise of frustration (either towards himself or towards Dib), reaching up to bury his hands into his wig and gritting his teeth.

“URGH, OKAY, THAT PART WAS A LIE,” Zim shouted again. Dib glanced at him over his shoulder with a slightly raised brow, silently urging him to continue talking in an intensely smug way. Zim thrust his fists back to his sides and let out a short exhale, preparing himself for what must have felt like the ultimate admission of weakness. “Because...and as much as I REALLY hate to admit it..." Zim growled, his gaze quickly snapping down to the ground as he chewed at his lip. " The Dib MIGHT have been right about the proper way to respond to last night’s…” Zim paused for a moment, and Dib couldn’t help but smile at the flush gathering on the alien’s cheeks. “Interaction." 

"In what way, exactly, was I right?" Dib asked with a proud grin, turning back to Zim.

"Urgh, get that face off your face, this is UNBEARABLY difficult for me as it is." Zim yelled with an irritated glare, though the flush wasn’t subsiding. It might have been even cuter when Zim was this mad. "What I mean to say is that...PERHAPS we should have spoken about it properly. Instead of stepping away like nothing was going to change."

"I mean, I DO remember suggesting that." Dib continued in a self-congratulatory kind of way, crossing his arms over his chest. He was happy to milk this for a while. “But I’m here to talk if that’s what you wanna do.”

“Well, can we do it somewhere else?” Zim asked with a slight frown and a paranoid look over his shoulder. “And not in either of our respective bases? Who knows what kind of bugs might be listening to our conversation?” 

Now Zim was talking his language.

“Let me get my keys.”

  
-

"-And two scoops of pistachio, please." 

"Coming right up, sir." 

The bored, probably grossly underpaid teenager behind the ice-cream counter spoke with a flat tone of voice, and looked down at their register with a dull, lifeless, glazed over look in their eyes as they punched the order into the machine. The pit stains on their obnoxiously bright uniform and the heavy, grey bags under their eyes indicated a long shift, and the twenty-four-hour nature of the store meant it was probably nowhere near its completion. 

"That'll be ten-fifty." They mumbled, blinking wearily. 

Dib fumbled in his wallet for a handful of random notes, mumbling a soft "keep the change" to the teenager (which prompted them to immediately burst into tears), before moving aside to wait for his order. 

Looking out of the wide window that took up the majority of the wall and across the mostly empty parking lot of the shop. 

Zim had opted to stay in his car while Dib retrieved the goods, and appeared to be busying himself with something. Frowning softly at a piece of alien-looking tech that he kept tapping at, not a glance towards the shop window or towards Dib. Knees hunched up against his chest, chin resting on them, an annoyed pout on his lips.

It made him look even smaller.

Cuter.

Dib couldn’t help but let his mind wander a bit as he watched him, smirking softly to himself at the absurd concept of Zim, a dangerous alien invader, sitting in the front seat of his car, in the midst of what was essentially a date between the two of them. 

If only his twelve-year-old self could see him now. 

There was still a part of him that wanted Zim to be exposed as the threat that he was, but it had shrunk over the last ten years, and had lately developed into almost a slightly possessive desire to...protect him? Keep him for his own? He wasn’t entirely sure what he felt yet, but he knew he was certainly feeling something. Something so intimately different from his normal feelings that it was kind of scary.

But scary in a fun way. 

“Pistachio and coffee-vanilla!” A second overworked teenager (the first one who served him was still sobbing over his tip) called for his attention across the shop, and Dib hurriedly retrieved his order, shooting a quick smile at the two workers before he left the shop and crossed the parking lot to his car where Zim appeared to still be working. 

“Okay, here we go!" Dib started with a beaming, albeit slightly strained smile as he attempted to juggle the two ice-cream cones AND get the car door open. "Pistachio nut for you, coffee and vanilla for me."

"Identify this...pistachio nut for me, human" Zim said with an accusatory glare towards the pale green cone that was already starting to melt all over Dib's hand, reaching back to stick his tech into his disguised PAK. "Is it poison? "

“No, no, it’s just, like, a human food,” Dib said as he sat down. “You like sweets, right? Here, try it!" Holding out the pistachio cone out for Zim with a smile. "I mean, I didn't know what flavour you would like so...I just got the one that looked like you."

Zim's brows furrowed as he stared at Dib and he scrunched his nose (in a gesture that was too adorable for Dib to handle) and he took the cone, giving it a questioning glare for a moment as if he was waiting for something to jump out of it, before he gave it a delicate lick.

"...Satisfactory." Zim said with an almost too casual shrug as he kept eating.

Dib couldn't help the smile that tugged on his lips as he watched Zim eat in silence, his heart throbbing uncomfortably in his chest, seemingly unaware of his own cone as it dripped down his sleeve. He would later dismiss his staring, and simultaneously dismiss the weird yearning feeling in his chest, as side effects of hands-on research, his own way of observing his enemy without the means of violence.

Though he couldn't remember the last time he had smiled this much, if ever.

Did smiling always ache like this? 

"So, um, what did you wanna talk about?" Dib said quickly with a little shake of his head, starting the difficult conversation under the correct assumption that if he didn't start it, no-one would. 

Also suddenly hyper-aware of the cold ice-cream that was running down his arm. Gross.

"Oh right.” Zim started, momentarily distracted. “Well...I simply wanted to ACKNOWLEDGE the obvious change in our dynamic now." Zim’s normally booming voice was a near mumble as he kept his eyes locked down to the floor, idly fiddling with the little plastic spoon buried in his cone. “It’s difficult to maintain such an intense rivalry with someone when your thoughts of them are…” He paused. “Clouded.”

“Hard to fight me when you wanna fuck me, huh?” Dib asked with a cheeky grin, and when Zim’s cheeks flushed a furious pink, he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Don’t you DARE laugh at me, stink boy!” Zim yelled, glaring at him with a furrowed brow, though the pink in his cheeks wasn’t budging. “This was ALL your fault, you realize that! If you’d have left well enough alone, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“I mean, in terms of messes…” Dib started with a lazy drawl to his voice, taking a moment to scoop up a spoon of ice cream from his dripping cone. “It could be way worse.” The vanilla was sweet on his tongue when he ate the spoonful, to the degree of nearly being overwhelming. But that didn’t stop him from taking another scoop. “Plus, not many paranormal investigators can say they SEDUCED an alien out of invading the earth, right?” He grinned again, gesturing with the little spoon.“That’s a reason to celebrate to me.” 

“Of course YOU’D have a positive response to this.” Zim continued, still glaring and blushing. “If I got caught copulating with-” He grimaced a little, immediately looking sickly. “With a HUMAN of all things, I’d be the laughing stock of the entire galaxy.” He rested his chin in his hand with an annoyed roll of his eyes. “Plus I’m probably committing MASSIVE acts of treason towards the Irken empire just by sitting with you right now, let alone what happened…” He shuddered. “Last night.”

“And?” Dib shrugged. “So we don’t tell anyone about those parts.” He took another scoop of ice cream and sucked the spoon thoughtfully. “We can still fight like we always do and just-” 

“Oh no.” Zim interrupted, holding a hand up for Dib to pause at. “Oh no, no. Nooooo.” He drawled out, long enough that it made Dib frown. “We are NEVER doing that again, you are aware of that, correct?” 

“What?” Dib asked, with an unspoken outrage to his voice that he tried to hide. “Why not?”

“We copulated ONCE!” Zim held up one finger. “One time! And now I can barely focus on invading your stupid planet!” He buried his free hand into his wig and let out a long groan, eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t stop thinking about last night and I HATE IT!” 

“Well, maybe that’s a good thing!” Dib replied with a frown. Zim’s outright rejection from the previous night had been a punch to the gut but this was...getting to be a little too much to deal with. “Maybe you SHOULDN’T invade the planet! Maybe you should...I dunno! Just hang out or something!”

“And disobey my Tallest?! Ohoho, you must be out of your MIND to think I’d turn on my armada for this DOOMED rock, Dib-stink!” Zim sneered. 

“So, you came to my house to, what, just antagonise me?” Dib matched Zim’s sneer with one of his own, a narrow-eyed look filled with venom towards the alien. “God, that’s fucking low, even for you, Zim.”

“You will be the low one when I’m ruling your hideous planet, pig-beast!”

“HA! I’d like to see that!” Dib’s sneer shifted into a slightly manic smirk. “Your own words, Zim, you can’t stop thinking about me! How are you gonna rule the world when you can’t focus on anything other than my gross, human body, huh?!”

"HRGHHH, STOP SAYING WORDS WITH YOUR MOUTH!!" Zim shouted, flapping a gloved hand towards Dib's face. The furious pink in Zim's cheeks still hadn't subsided though, which only made Dib feel even more smug, especially when the fretting alien didn’t deny such a claim. “Your body is repulsive and even thinking about it makes me SICK!”

"Face it, Zim," Dib said, a calm and almost teasing sing-song quality to his voice, sitting back int the car seat as he fiddled with the plastic spoon in his cone. "You'll never be able to conquer Earth, all because of me." A smug smile came to his face. "Had I known it would be this easy, I would have done it way earlier."

"Now, you listen to me, human," Zim growled in an almost animalistic way, grabbing Dib's coat collar and pulling him close. "The ONLY reason that I am distracted from my plans of world conquest is because of how DISGUSTED I am with myself for copulating with the likes of YOU." He clenched his fist into the thick fabric, pulling Dib even closer. "You and your entire species are ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING, and I will take great pleasure in destroying every last living organism on this pathetic planet, if it's the very last thing I do." He then bared his sharp teeth as his voice dipped into a low, menacing tone. "And believe me when I say that destroying you, and thusly destroying every vile thought of you that my brain has been clouded with, will be the utmost privilege."

Dib was stunned into silence as Zim shoved him away, turning back to his steadily melting cone and licking it as if his tirade of threats had never happened. 

He let out a short sigh as he unrolled the window of his car and threw his own cone out of it, thoroughly put off the idea of sweets all of a sudden, attempting to clean his sticky fingers on the front of his coat.

It was curious though. 

Surely such a cavalcade of violent threats against him, against his entire species, should have put him off of Zim, at least in the romantic sense. But it hadn’t. If anything, it made the fire in his heart (and in his clit) burn even hotter.

He wondered...

“Alright, you know what? Fine.” Dib said with a flat tone and a neutral glare of irritation. “Have it your way, Zim. We won’t do anything again. We’ll just go back to being rivals, and you can go back to trying to take over the world, and I’ll go back to trying to stop you.” He cocked his head slightly. “Happy?”

“For once, we agree on something,” Zim replied, his tone almost smug he was so pleased with himself. 

“Uh-huh.” Dib continued, shifting a little in his seat, “But let me just…” Before he grabbed at Zim’s wrist and gently but firmly urged it closer to his own body.

"What are you doing? Did you listen to a SINGLE word I just said, pig-stink?" Zim asked, his brow furrowing again as he watched. “Unhand Zim AT ONCE, you...YOU-”

"What?” Dib replied, interrupting his fretting enemy, his tone just as flat and so empty of any kind of intention as before, so much so it was almost innocent. “Your cone is melting all over my car and I paid good money for it."  
  
With a glimmer of mischievous temptation in his eyes, he dipped his head down and slowly dragged his tongue over the pale green ice-cream drips that were gradually covering Zim's covered fingers. 

The ice cream was excessively sweet, almost off-puttingly so, but the way Zim was squirming uncomfortably at the attention was really doing something for him, in a sick, sadistic kind of way. He let a quiet moan from the back of his throat fall from his lips as he licked up the black rubber, and Zim could barely suppress the smallest of whimpers when he heard it.

Jackpot.

When he pulled away with an exaggerated lick of his lips and a slight smile, a string of his drool dripped from his bottom lip and the piercing through it and down his chin, almost silver in the low light of his car.

“You’re absolutely disgusting.” Zim mumbled softly, though the hungry look in his eyes and the bright magenta colour in his cheeks indicated that he thought the exact opposite.

“Nah, I’m not,” Dib started with a slight chuckle, leaning closer to Zim and curling his fingers into the front of his hoodie, giving it a little yank towards his own body. “C’mere and taste me for yourself.”

As if he was given permission to, Zim immediately crashed his lips against Dib’s, pressing their bodies together and pushing the gangly human back against the car door with a force that was almost painful. Burying his fingers into his hair (his cone being quickly thrown to the floor of Dib’s car), he wound his legs around Dib’s waist and ground his hips down against the squirming human’s, making his interest, his desire, all the more obvious. 

When his tongue pressed against the subtle parting in Dib’s lips, it was almost cold and undoubtedly alien feeling when he accepted it into his mouth, and so long that he could almost feel it against the back of his throat (which really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was). He supposed he wouldn’t have gotten a proper gauge of it when he was inhabiting Zim’s body, and so suddenly feeling it, feeling every inch of Zim’s exotic body against his own, was absolutely intoxicating. He let his hands drift down to Zim’s bucking hips, allowing himself to be lost in each sensation.

"I'm still going to destroy you, you know." Zim mumbled softly against Dib's lips, pulling away from the kiss for just a moment. "And I will enjoy every moment of it."

"Is that a threat, space boy?" Dib replied with a breathless chuckle, his hands drifting up the back of Zim's jacket and shirt, feeling his cool, smooth skin and each protruding bone of his spine. 

"It's more than a threat, Dib." Zim continued with a sharp-toothed grin, his voice practically a growl as he buried a hand into Dib's short, shaggy hair. "It's a promise."

When he gave it a harsh tug, Dib immediately let out a shameless moan of the most unadulterated kind of pleasure, quickly wrapping his arms around Zim's waist and burying his face into his chest to hide the furious burning in his cheeks. Shivering and trembling as the curious alien continued to pull at his hair painfully, unable to shake off the mind-numbing pleasure that was shooting through his body and directly to his clit.

He really hadn’t wanted to expose THAT weakness to Zim so quickly, but fuck his plans.

"Although...." A smirk was audible in Zim's voice as he tucked a hand under Dib's chin and forced him to look up, locking eye contact and examining the human’s facial expressions with an inquisitive look and a slightly mocking tilt of his head. "I suppose I can't truly destroy someone who would take pleasure in their destruction, no?"

Dib could feel his legs trembling as Zim continued his rough assault on his body, dipping his head to drag his tongue over the myriad of bruises that covered his neck, leaving the occasional fresh bite on any patch of unmarked skin he found. Claiming him once more in a twisted and possessive kind of way. 

Dib had always known that his sexual proclivities were...odd, for lack of a better word. As soon as he had his own internet connection, he was frantically searching for anything that would titillate his fucked up, teenage hormones and his few sexual encounters had been motivated by an urge to fulfil his peculiar desires. Low-risk hookups through kollege GSA meetings and gothic S&M forums naturally being the best option. 

He was naive to think those encounters had been enough to truly satisfy him. 

He already knew that nothing would ever satisfy him again. 

Still grinding his hips down, Zim reached up to Dib’s chin to urge his mouth open, before he scissored two of his fingers against Dib’s tongue with a hungry look in his eyes, urging his mouth open even further as he idly toyed with the barbell through his tongue. Drool pooled on the flat of his tongue, dripped down his stubbly chin, and coated Zim’s gloves with a slickness that made the black rubber shine like polished leather. 

Dib knew he was probably pretty far gone when even that concept made his clit twinge under his jeans. 

“You’re so gross...” Zim whispered to himself, letting out a short sigh of arousal as he continued to play with Dib’s drooling mouth. Dib wasn’t quite sure who Zim was referring to but he knew that he didn’t care at that point. 

Dib made a low noise at the back of his throat, almost a whimper, as he squirmed underneath the scrutinous gaze of the curious alien, cheeks burning red with an embarrassing and unrelenting desire for more attention, more touches, more invasive examinations. 

So many times in the past, he had threatened Zim with, vivisection, dissection and brutal, bloody examination, and yet he had submitted to his own examination so quickly. 

Figures. 

He reached up to grip Zim’s wrist again, winding his long fingers around it so easily, as he took the two gloved fingers past his lips and gave them a long, deliberate suck. Staring up at Zim with a needy, desperate look in his heavy eyes, Dib let out a hedonistic moan around the intrusion, bucking his hips slightly underneath Zim to make his interest all the more clearer.

"Freak," Zim muttered, slowly removing his fingers from Dib's mouth with a half-lidded glare, though there was a touch of fondness to the insult that wasn't usually there.

"Only if you want me to be..." Dib replied, his voice just as low as he rubbed his cheek against Zim's hand.

"Oh, there's a great deal of things I want from you, human." Zim said thoughtfully, dragging his gloved fingers down Dib's neck, deliberately tracing a line of red bites on his skin with a hungry smirk. 

“So tell me.” Dib asked, his voice breathy and husky, full of arousal that was yet to be fulfilled. “What do you want me to do for you…?” 

“I want...” Zim started, untangling himself from Dib’s shaking body and leaning back into his own seat. “I want you to use that disgusting mouth for something useful for once.” His voice dipped into a low, domineering tone (that was doing SOMETHING for Dib) and his hungry eyes narrowed, staring down at Dib as he parted his thighs slowly, deliberately. 

Tempting the human into something so taboo and yet, so desirable.

Dib was so turned on that it was starting to hurt. 

Zim slowly toed off his heeled boots before he reached up to the waistband of his leggings and started to peel them down as Dib watched intently. 

Zim's new disguise obviously didn't extend as far as human-looking genitals (thank god), as Dib got a good look of a familiar, magenta tentacle lazily squirming between Zim's legs, messily secreting pre-cum and soaking the front of his leggings, and no doubt the front seat of his car.

"Fuck, it's out already?" Dib said with a bewildered and breathless laugh, leaning closer to Zim's body and curiously letting his fingers drift up to his tentacle. Smiling eagerly when it wound between his fingers like it was returning home. "Wet already, huh, space boy?"

"I recall that I asked you to put your gross mouth to some use." Zim sneered with a roll of his eyes, reaching down to press his fingers into Dib's hair and tug his head down to rest between his legs with a forcefulness that took the human by surprise. Keeping a firm grip on it as he lazily rolled his hips, jutting his tentacle closer to Dib’s gasping mouth. "So less talking, hm?"

Dib didn’t need to be asked twice.

Resting his chin on Zim’s thigh, he attempted to get himself into a semi-comfortable position, before he trailed kisses and affectionate bites up Zim’s thighs, barely marking his pale skin as he inched closer and closer to his dripping crotch. Lost in the painful bliss at the gentle tugs on his hair and the way Zim seemed to melt into a puddle of pleasure underneath him.

And while he had gotten to know Zim’s body fairly intimately during the previous night, there was nothing that turned Dib on more than a faceful of alien genitalia lying right before his eyes.

Slowly and perhaps to indulge his own curiosity, Dib dragged his tongue up and down the writhing tentacle before he took the tip of it into his mouth, sucking it and letting it writhe sleepily against his tongue. He then reached up to loosely grip around the base of it as he lazily took each inch of the tentacle down his throat like he had been practising for it for months. 

And maybe he had been, in a funny kind of way. Maybe every hook up since hi-skool had been his way of preparing for this very thing.

He moaned against the heavy feeling of it on his tongue, relishing in the indescribably alien taste of Zim’s pre-cum (bitter, but with a strangely sweet aftertaste) as he took more and more of the tentacle down his throat until he was at the base. 

The tentacle squirmed against his tongue, and he let out a huffed laugh through his nose at the absurdity of the sensation, as he started to bob his head, using the hand curled around the base to jerk Zim off in time with each of the alien’s desperate thrusts. 

And though it didn't align entirely with last night's intricate fantasy (though perhaps that had been unrealistic anyway), it was undeniably erotic to have Zim READY AND WILLING to be underneath him, at least in this particular context. Trembling, eyes squeezed shut, barely-there moans and whines for more, please, more under his breath. 

Like he didn't want to admit just how much Dib's attention was turning him on, but he couldn't help but fall victim to his own pleasure at the hands of his rival. 

Dib had always sworn he was a bottom, but fuck, he was getting wet just looking at Zim so eager for him.

With one hand resting against Zim's hip, Dib stopped jerking him off to gently knead at Zim's dripping hole while his fingers were still dripping with his pre-cum, smirking around the tentacle at just how small it suddenly felt against his fingers. 

"Oh yes…” Zim gasped, “Oh yesss, that’s iiiit..." He drawled out with an exhausted, but blissed-out look on his face, bucking his hips desperately. "Please keep doing that..." 

Dib was happy to do as he was asked, easily worming two of his fingers inside of Zim’s wet slit, experimentally pressing against each tiny bundle of nerves that he had become so well acquainted with the previous night. 

Zim suddenly and very quickly had no desire to hide his enthusiasm anymore, as he threw his head back against the car door and moaned, loud enough that the teenagers in the shop could probably hear him (though that concept did little to stop Dib.) 

When Dib started to press his fingers in and out of the writhing alien, attempting to be even remotely in time with the bobbing of his head, Zim’s moans turned into long, drawn-out, overstimulated whines and stuttered demands for more, more, MORE. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop!” Zim whimpered, his voice rising in pitch as his desperation grew, his body relentlessly squirming and shivering underneath Dib’s. “Oh, that’s it, right there! Keep going!” 

Zim bucked his hips with a particularly harsh thrust that forced the length of his tentacle down Dib’s throat, roughly gripping and pulling at his already messy hair and grinding against his face, absolutely soaking him with the alien pre-cum. He shrieked with pleasure as Dib continued to pound his fingers in and out of him, undeterred by the pain and his own burning pleasure, pushing Zim further and further to the edge, pushing him closer to climax with every second of attention that he gave him. 

Zim came without any kind of warning, his back arching as he clamped his thighs around Dib's neck, screaming a jumble of Irken and English (and Dib was sure he heard his names a couple of times too.) Gushing against his face and soaking his mouth and chin with his juices, though a good deal of it messily secreted from the tentacle and coated his tongue too.

Alien cum was much sweeter than he had anticipated, though he didn't have any complaints

Zim lay back against the car door, breathless and overstimulated, his body still subtly twitching in a pleasure that was yet to subside, and Dib slowly pulled back from him in an attempt to give him space. Pulling his fingers from his hole and wiping the residue on his jeans, before leaving soft, hopefully soothing kisses against his quivering sex and down his sticky thighs.

The car seat was probably going to be stained forever, the front of his shirt (and he actually liked that shirt a lot) was absolutely covered in pink, alien cum, and he would never be able to come to this ice-cream store again.

Dib was so happy, he could barely contain it.

But contain it he did as he sat back into his own car seat, his body suddenly heavy and sluggish, as tugging his coat off with vague hopes that it hadn't gotten stained during...whatever they were going to call that. He wiped his face messily with the front of his shirt and the backs of his hands, though it did little to help. 

"Do you mind if I smoke?" Dib asked with a raised eyebrow, breaking the silence. 

"Do I mind if you destroy your lungs in my presence?" Zim managed to mumble, frowning exaggeratedly. Dib was silent for a moment, as if he was waiting for an answer, before Zim sighed and waved a dismissive hand at him, attempting to sit up despite how much his body was still shaking. "Fine, if you're that intent on destroying yourself before I get the chance to." 

"Mm, you dunno the half of it." Dib smirked softly in spite of himself as he reached back for his discarded coat and picked out the half-empty, crumpled cigarette packet from it. "So, what do we do now then?" He started, sliding a cigarette out and slotting it between his lips before he fumbled in his coat again for his lighter. "What do you wanna do about all of this?" 

"How do you mean?" Zim asked, crossing his arms as he watched Dib light his cigarette. 

"Well. You kinda really like that, even if I was a revolting human, right?” 

“Correct…” Zim admitted with an annoyed pout.

“And you don't ACTUALLY wanna stop 'playing' with me," He said, with air quotes for emphasis, as he clicked his lighter on and lit the end of his cigarette. "Right?" 

"...I suppose not." Zim rolled his eyes with an adorable flush to his cheeks that made Dib smile through a heavy exhale of grey smoke. 

“So, we don’t have to.” Dib said with an easy shrug as he tapped cigarette ash onto the carpet floor of his car. It was already ruined, so why pretend he was even slightly stable now? “We could keep going and just...see how it feels, ya know. See what grows.”

“You do understand that’s a very difficult concept for me, right?” Zim deadpanned with a flat glare. “I was bred as a soldier; my entire class was. I’m only supposed to be motivated by violence and destruction so...the very idea that I be allowed to explore my...” He grimaced slightly, “Feelings is incredibly alien to me.” 

“Well, you’re pretty alien to me too.” Dib offered with a quirked smile. 

“You know what I mean.” Zim rolled his eyes and glared outside the passenger window, eyes scanning the bright lights of the city just outside. 

“I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty shitty at the whole “feelings” things too.” Dib said with another breath of smoke. “I’m not great with empathy or sympathy or affection or...any of those human things, I guess. Just different ‘cus I’m SUPPOSED to feel them.” 

“Perhaps we’re both aliens in that sense.” Zim offered, with a slight quirk to his lips. Almost a smile. 

“Yeah, maybe we are.” Dib replied, his smile shifting into a grin. “So, how about it? Wanna feel human with me, space boy?” 

“Perhaps you’ll manage to convince me.” 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drops this chapter a month late while not making eye contact with anyone* YALL WANTED SOME PORN WITH A SIDE OF FEEEEEELINGSSSSSS??? 
> 
> i'm gonna keep up with posting chapters here!! i'm not giving up!! but......my life hates me and won't let me dedicate lots of time to writing zadr porn :((( BUT I WILL COMPLETE THIS IF IT KILLS ME (it'll probably kill me lets be real here)
> 
> like/comment/bookmark, all the good stuff cus it gives me a reason to live!  
filthylittlexenophile.tumblr.com  
ray x


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